Date From Hell
by AdvanceAustralianFair
Summary: Australia finally talks New Zealand into going out on a date with him on New Years eve, and everything that can go wrong on a date, does.
1. How to ask a Kiwi out

_I do not own New Zealand or Australia, they belong to Himayura._

_Please comment and review. _

_Written by request for: KiwiBazooka_

* * *

><p>Allen stood before the Kiwi, looking at the brunet with a desperate look. He had butchered asking the man out on a date yet again. He watched the Kiwi turn, after another insult was thrown at him, and watched as the door started to close. With a quick shift of his foot, The Australian stopped the door from slamming shut in his face, "Benjamin. Please. Just let me take you out tonight. It's New Years Eve. You should spend the day with someone you care about, or at least someone you trust!"<p>

After those words spilled out of his lips, Allen felt like grabbing the handle of the door and beating his head with it. But the Kiwi had stopped moving, and had slowly turned to look at him. Those jade green eyes seemed to study him carefully. Heartbeats counted seconds as he waited for an answer, seconds turned to minutes, and then to hours. Time was frozen, as the Kiwi looked at him with such judgemental eyes.

Then time returned as the New Zealander smiled softly, "Fine. I'll grab my jacket." Allen could breathe after what felt like a century. Pressing his hand to his chest, the Aussie blinked a few times, then looked up in shock. _Waaaait. Wait. Ben just said yes to a date!_ Shock took a hold as the brunet vanished into his house to find a jacket. Jacket? What would he need a jacket? It was Summer. New Zealand was hot, Australian soil was sweltering... It didn't make sense to the man, a frown on his lips.

Wellington was cooling down some, the afternoon was upon them after all. It was a warm day, the salty breeze that drifted from the wharf was calling families to play in the shores in the cold water to cool off. Wellington felt safer that Canberra, not that Allen knew if it was either way, but it just felt that way. Allen stood with his hands in his shorts, his foot in the doorway, and a slow realization washing over him. _Benjamin said yes. For once._

Before the Australian could do the happy koala dance in the flat's hallway (Seriously, he didn't want to try his luck.) Allen heard Ben call to him to 'come inside.' Venturing into the Kiwi's home, he looked around some, at all the pictures, and fixtures. He almost killed himself when his leg caught the ram the the Kiwi kept as a pet. He was greeted with an annoyed bleat and a fluffy version of 'what where you are going, fuckwit.' Nice.

But Allen had caught himself and was composed enough to sit on the couch, and look at the magazines. All Rugby and All Blacks related. Of course. He looked around more, it had been a few months since he had stayed with the man for the Rugby World Cup, and it was still much the same. Neat and well kept. Even if he housed a ram and a Kiwi bird within the walls. Said Kiwi was pecking at the carpet like it was grass hiding a meal. Allen could not help but chuckle at the brown bird.

"What is so funny?" Came the other Kiwi's voice, the human variety. And, boy, did he already sound annoyed. Allen stood, and turned to explain himself, but stopped. Benjamin stood there in a whole new outfit completely. He had on some new thongs (Jandals is what Ben would correct him to.) and some cargo shorts that looked new. He had on a red and yellow plaid button up and hooked over his shoulder a raincoat that was black and white. Clearly, he would not need that, "I hired a car while I was here, Ben..." He murmured, looking disdained as the idea of rain. Did he have an Umbrella? Well, if he needed to, he would purchase one.

The Kiwi was a several centimetre shorter than him, and was someone with what Arthur called "Short Person Syndrome." Allen usually couldn't help but tease the Kiwi's height, using him as an awkward arm rest, or a leaning post when he felt like it. It could be said that Allen found the Kiwi cuter when he was angry, it could also be said that it was fun for the Australian because he knew what buttons to push, but what was never said was that it was the only way the Australian could garner the Kiwi's attention.

Until now.

Until today.

Today, the Kiwi was his to prove just how much he cared. The perfect date was in order. A fine dinner at one of Wellington's best restaurants, to the cinema to see a movie of the Kiwi's choice, Maybe a nice walk in the park under the stars before the final countdown at the Queen's Wharf, Fireworks, a night of partying... and if, JUST IF, the Australian was lucky... A night in the Kiwi's bed, making the brunet moan his name lustfully. Oh, how wonderful that would be.

"You're drooling..." The Kiwi said, a little concerned for his safety now. The ludelook that passed over Allen's face was enough to throw him into a series of doubts about this 'date'. He had told Allen no for almost a century, no to dating no to marriage. But that pathetic look the Roo Rooter had on his face made Ben decide... maybe, Just this once, I can give the poor bastard what he wants. Then maybe he'll leave me alone for the next fifty years about it.

Ben turned and set his rain slicker, almost warily, over the couch, then grabbed his keys from the basin by his door, along with his wallet and iPhone, all tucked into various pockets. He looked back at the Australian, smiling softly, "Well, come on, Allen. The night is upon us and the countdown at the Wharf is in..." The Kiwi looked at his Rolex, "...six hours. So that's six hours of us together on a date." There was a pit in the Kiwi's stomach, especially when Allen started to mock him.

"'Sux hours.' Hehehe" The Aussie mumbled under his breath.

"That is bad way to start this date, Allen." Ben retorted as he walked down the stairs. The Australian was behind him, coughing into his fist in embarrassment.

Yeah. This date was going to be just _mean as..._

* * *

><p><strong><em>Author comments:<em>**

_I was going to try to make this a one shot. LOL NOPE._


	2. Dinner

Ben looked up at the restaurant in slight awe as he stepped from the black BMW. A young Kiwi moved to take the keys from Allen, and the duo walked up the grand staircase toward the doors. "Allen, you are aware this place takes reservations..."

The Aussie winked playfully, "I already called in before I asked you." That sentence made the pit in Ben's stomach drop to his gut. How many reservations had Allen made where he had to cancel because he had told the roo rooter to piss off? It wasn't the best feeling in the world, the Kiwi decided as the Australian opened the door for him and strode to the Host stand.

"I have a reservation for two under 'Kirkland'," Allen said with a grin, holding up a deuce to the elder kiwi who had his greying hair combed over his balding head. He watched the elder man as he flipped through the pages of reservations, his smile falling some. It fell completely at the man's words.

"Sir, your reservation is for next year..." He said, closing the book, "A common mistake. Besides, the waiting list here is three months long. Ah, Mister Prime Minister. Welcome. Your table will be ready in a few minutes..."

Benjamin blinked a few times, his brows furrowing as Allen looked crestfallen at his failure. This was not good, not at all. Next year! "No no no, I called in and the lady on the line said she had an opening TONIGHT, mate..." The man was not swayed by the Australian's show.

"I'm sorry sir, you must be mistaken..." He said, pushing his glasses up, his nose upturning to the man before him, "Besides... Regular clientele are usually bumped down for more important clientele..."

"More impor- Look here you sheep shagger! Benjamin and I are the most important people in OCEANIA!" Fingers shot out to grab the man, pulling him over the podium, enraged at this news. "We have suffered through more than you can ever know! How can you call us UNIMPORTANT! This is the first time he has agreed to let me take him out on a date, and you are ruining it!"

"Security!" The host said in a haughty voice once the Australian had let him go, to which Ben stepped forward, "Common, Allen... Let it go. We can go somewhere else..." He grabbed the Aussie's arm and pulled on it, just to be pushed back. Allen was not done here.

"You cannot deny someone for someone else. It is unethical! Wait till my boss hears about this rubbish!" He hissed, nose to nose with the disrespectful human. "I'm sorry, but we do not service your... kind." The man said with a sneer.

"Can we go, please?" Benjamin said softly, as the security walked toward the Australian, grabbing him by his arms, stopping the hot-headed man from punching the host.

"OI! Let me go!" Allen hissed, fighting the Maori men, a fruitless fight as he was dragged back. Benjamin looked between the host, his brows knit with anger and disappointment, but he turned and walked after the Australian as the two Maori men tossed the man outside. Kneeling beside the Aussie, he smiled softly, "The food sucks here anyway... The portions are way to small. Let's go somewhere better."

Allen pulled himself to stand and grumbled curses under his breath as he walked to the valet for his keys. "Okay, Kiwi... Where is the place you're thinking of?" he held out the ticket for the Beamer, and watched as the kid at the stand looked confused, then ran off to find the car.

The smile Ben flashed gave Allen some hope this date could be salvaged, and smiled wider when the Kiwi said, "It's a sushi place near Queen's Wharf, just off Jervois Quay..." He smiled softly as the BMW pulled up, walking to the car and opening the door for himself. The Australian grinned and jogged around to the other side, pulling out a few Kiwi's to tip the valet before pulling out and driving to Jervois Quay.

Once to Troy, He was directed to turn. "You know... The next street is over is Allen Street..." The Kiwi commented thoughtfully, to which the Australian laughed, "Oh really now? A whole street, named for me? I'm honoured, Benjamin..."

The Kiwi shook his head and looked out the window at the waterfront, smiling softly, "There is a cinema not far from here..." He murmured softly as the Australian pulled into the car park. Pulling himself from the car, the Kiwi grinned and walked toward the building.

Nothing was more romantic than sushi and miso, Allen thought, his eyes on the Kiwi's arse as they walked inside. They were greeted by a nice atmosphere and a warm welcome, and a waitress walked to them with a smile, directing them to the tatami mat seating area. Benjamin took a seat first, Allen following him across with a grin. This date was looking up for sure.

Being brave, the Australian reached for the Kiwi's hand, taking it lightly and smiling at the man, "This date will be better now, I promise. This place looks perfect." No sooner than he had spoken, a glass of water was set in front of him by a cute blonde, and there was a loud clatter.

Ice cold water dripped down the brunet Kiwi's head and back, causing the teen to stand suddenly and knock the table which he was sitting cross-legged under. The Australian's glass tilted and fell, and as the Kiwi fell back down to cuss loudly about his legs, water rolled into his lap.

Australia could only watch in half horror, half bemusement. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" The Kiwi cursed, and rolled from under the table to stand, dropping his head to get the water from his head, pulling his shirt from his belt so ice could fall to the tatami mat below him. He glared at the waitress, "What the hell, lady!"

The woman, who could not be older than twenty, looked mortified, "Oh my God, I am so sorry! Oh my God! Let me get you some warm towels! And some towels to mop up your table! This has never happened before, I swear. Oh... my god..." She turned and rushed off.

Allen snickered into his hand, using his towel to mop up the water from the table, "That was a cute little dance you just did, Benji."

"Naff off, roo rooter! It was fucking cold!" Benjamin hissed as he sat back down, annoyed. "Fucking hell, my seat is wet!" Just to get a roaring laugh from the Australian. Ben watched with almost a disdain as the Australian pat the mat beside him.

"It's nice and dry and warm right here..." he said in an almost purr. Ben's nose curled, but he moved to sit next to the Australian anyway. The waitress soon returned with two fresh glasses of water, as well as a pile of towels in one hand and a few rolls of warm towels which were passed to the wet Kiwi. Allen got to work mopping up the water. "Can I get a fourex?" Allen ordered, giving the woman a charming smile. Benjamin sighed, and pulled out his ID, "I'd like a Moa."

The fake ID was as real as one could get, his age branded him as 19, even if he looked 16. Allen's was much the same, stating he was 20, and, to Ben's mind, the lucky fucker looked it. Both put their identifications away and Ben sipped his water, looking over the wet menu dully. "I think I'll get a Beef Teriyaki... and whatever sushi you decide you want."

Allen grinned at the Kiwi, taking a warm towel and tossing it over his wet hair, "How about we jump into the Harbour for a nice swim~ You are already wet~" The offer was returned with a death glare and curt "No way in hell, roo rooter." to which Allen laughed again.

The waitress quickly returned with the men's beers and pulled out a pad to take down the orders. Benjamin started, "I would like Beef Teriyaki, with extra sauce if possible..." The waitress nodded and jotted down the Kiwi's order, then looked to the Australian.

"I want a dragon roll, a rock 'n' roll, a kappa maki, an eel roll, and some Saki and Tamago... and some Chicken Teriyaki." The man grinned and held out his menu. The blonde girl nodded and smiled, "I'll have your sushi right out."

Allen lifted his beer and grinned happily, "To a better night and a great New Year." Ben lifted his beer in return, smiling from under the towel, "To the New Year." The tapped their beers and both took a long drink. The Australian paused and choked, something was off. He looked into the beer, then turned the bottle a few times.

Ben blinked at the man's actions, confused as he sipped his Moa. "I didn't think fourex went bad..." He murmured into his bottle, "I always thought it would survive an apocalypse..."

"Har har har, Benji- oh god."

Ben looked over at the Australian, as he set the beer down and looked to the side, his face noticeably green. Curious, Ben lifted the Australian's beer and peered at the bottom. In the beer floated what looked like a foot of a small mammal, like a rat. Benjamin just looked mortified as the Australian quickly stood from under the table and retreated toward the toilet.

Their waitress returned, and blinked at the Kiwi as she set down the large tray of sushi, "Is something wrong?"

"Look." Ben said, holding the beer out to the woman, who took the beer and peered up into the bottle from the bottom. Squeaking loudly in shock once she figured out what the floating object was, she quickly looked at Ben, "Can I get you another? Or maybe something else?"

"Moa. Get me a bloody Moa." Allen said, walking back to the table, looking slightly better. He sat and grabbed his chopsticks, breaking them so that he could snag a roll and munch. He looked at the Kiwi, roll halfway to his open mouth and grinned, moving to pop the sushi into Ben's lips.

Ben opened his mouth to ask if Allen was okay, but was soon eating eel and rice. Chewing the roll, Ben was shocked by the flavour and smiled slightly. Maybe... Maybe this date would start to look up.

The two men sat side by side, enjoying a happy conversation, their Moas and the Sushi. The date was looking so much better, as Ben even fed Allen a few Rolls, because Allen was feeding him more then he could feed himself. There was laughter over current events, moments in the Rugby World Cup, a Kin Ship over drinking from Webb Ellis. Allen was even brave enough, once again, to take the Kiwi's hand in his-

"Two Chicken Teriyakis." Said a male voice, setting both plates down before the men. Benjamin frowned, "No... I ordered Beef. I don't eat Chicken. I don't eat bird..." Allen glanced at the Kiwi, then at the man whom was delivering the food.

"Okay, let me get that fixed..." He said with a smile, taking the food and walking back toward the kitchen. Allen pushed his rice to the Kiwi with a smile, "They'll bring you your meal soon." He said with a smile. It was not the end of the world, really. But Ben looked slightly annoyed. And maybe a bit victimised.

The Kiwi took the Australian's rice none the less, and ate more of the sushi while he waited for his food. After several minutes, the waitress returned and blinked, "Did your food come out wrong?" She asked, tilting her head some. Ben nodded, and the girl smiled, "I'll see where it is for you." Before vanishing into the kitchen.

Ben drank his beer and looked at the Australian, "Ask to talk to the manager when she returns..." To which the Australian wrinkled his nose, "Common, Ben. It's busy. Cut the poor shelia some slack."

Within moments, the girl returned and smiled brightly, "It should be right out. Can I get you something else while you are waiting?" Ben just lifted his empty beer and smiled softly. Then ate the rice before him, watching Allen eat the bird with a slightly disgusted face. Allen gave the Kiwi his vegetables, and even let the Kiwi finish off the sushi. Finishing his plate, the Australian was even annoyed. Where was Ben's food?

The waitress came by, holding out a check when she noticed the poor Kiwi still had yet to get a plate before him. Before either Aussie or waitress could speak, Benjamin said in a very annoyed tone, "I want a word with your manager..."

The woman tucked the ticket back into her apron, and nodded once, walking off to find the manager. Allen glanced at the annoyed Kiwi, and smiled softly, "We'll get this sorted..."

An elder woman walked toward their table with a warm smile, "Hello, I'm Kristin, the General Manager. How can I help you?" It was a pleasant greeting, but the Kiwi was still pissed, "My dinner came out wrong, then when I sent it back, it never returned corrected. I had water spilled on my head and lap, and there was a rat paw in my date's beer."

Allen nodded a few times, looking at the woman as she looked between the men, alarmed, "What did you order?"

"I'm not paying for this meal." Benjamin said, frankly, "This is the worst dinning experience I have ever had the displeasure of experiencing. The Sushi was great, but the lack of my dinner, the ice shower down my shirt, and animal parts in beer, frankly, overshadows the sushi."

Allen blinked at the Kiwi's brash statement, then gawked as he continued, "I happen to work with Key on a daily basis, and I'm tempted to get him to have this place evaluated. You pride yourself on good food and good standards, but this was lacking, greatly."

The Manager thinned her lips, then smiled slightly, "I'll go and get what you ordered in a take-away, the male is gratis. On the house." She said with a smile, before walking away with a flurry. Allen turned to gaze at the Kiwi and smirked, "Good job, Ben. Free food. Don't worry. The date will get better. Let's get this food to your flat, then we'll go to the cinema..."

Nodding, the Kiwi looked out toward the kitchen, wondering if his food would take thirty minutes again, but it was soon walking from the kitchen by the crestfallen waitress. Benjamin almost felt bad for the girl, and pulled from his wallet an orange note and left it on the table while he stood. Pushing Allen to get up and out, the Kiwi reached for the take-away box, "Ta. I hope you have a good day."

The Australian, pulled the Kiwi along, and grinned at him warmly, "That was nice of you."

"Tch, She tried. She really did. The beer and the food was not her fault. And the water wasn't her fault either. Maybe it'll make her feel better for the rest of her shift... It was just a five note anyway..." There was a blush on the Kiwi's cheeks as they walked along.

Allen tilted to nuzzle the Kiwi's hair, smiling, "You are such a good man, Ben." He was about the kiss the brunette's head, but a palm was pressed to his forehead, causing him to lean away from the Kiwi.

"Don't act like I'm your boyfriend, Roo Rooter. I'm not."

"Not even ow!"

"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!"

"NOT A CLUE!" Allen laughed.

"IDIOT!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author comments:<strong>_

_Okay well, if anyone has any questions, I'll be happy to answer them here in my next chapter. I'm still new at this, um... thing. Oh! I also take story requests. Yaaaaaaay. If you have tumblr, I'm found at .com/. Leave a request in my ask. I love Australia and New Zealand, so requests for them are, like, the best, but I can write anyone. _

_This story was a request, and a duel brainchild between me and KiwiBazooka._


End file.
